Royal Surrender - chapter nine

It was the most marvelous night of Noe’s life.

When morning came, she woke to find herself wrapped tight in Cajetan’s arms. And she thought that if she died right then, she would be content.

She could feel him, everywhere.

Inside and out.

He ordered breakfast and they ate it in bed, unable to stop touching each other so casually, so easily that it was tempting to imagine that this was something it wasn’t.

A beginning instead of an end.

They showered together, and when that became another excursion into that wild and glorious place he brought her last night, Noe lost herself anew.

She lost herself in him as if she had waited all her life to find herself in his kiss, in the pleasure he showed her, in the magic they made together.

“You are a wonder,” he told her.

And here, with him, she felt it as if it were true.

But soon enough, it was time to brace herself for what she knew must be coming.

For as surely as day followed night, reality must follow any dream. Even one as perfect as this.

Noe tried her best.

They dressed quietly. She felt breathless again, but this time it was because she was very much afraid that she might burst into tears, proving once and for all that she could never belong. She might ruin all of this, because the truth was, she was a conduit for these rich, sophisticated people who went to private clubs to stage their affairs as easily as some people went to the off-license.

She wasn’t one of them herself. She didn’t know how to play these games.

Deep down she had never been anything but an orphan girl, desperate to belong to someone —

But you knew this going in, she told herself firmly. You knew that he could never be yours.

And surely she needed to honor that, especially now. When that was the last thing she wanted.

He excused himself to take a series of calls while she fixed her hair, and it took her a few moments to recognize that he hadn’t so much as glanced at his mobile the whole night. Cajetan had clearly created space for them last night. He had given them the privacy they could have nowhere else.

How could she do anything but honor that in return?

So when he came back to her, she smiled and she made sure that there was not a trace of the pain she felt in it. Or anywhere on her face at all.

“Cajetan,” she said, “I want you to know that last night was wonderful.”

“I am delighted to hear it.” His eyes gleamed. “Was there some doubt?”

But she couldn’t be lighthearted, not when it felt as if hers might already be broken. “I want you to know that I’m aware that this could never be. I understand.” When he stared at her blankly, she squared her shoulders. “We had our night and now it’s done. Thank you.”